a BIG tHaNk YoU!

On behalf of Teya, Pastor Al and Myself we would like to thank everyone who attended the Marriage seminar during the month of February. We pray and believe that the information which was shared was useful and practical to be able to incorperate into your relationships. We look forward to future seminars and having the wonderful opportunity to share with you again. If you can't wait that long then look for upcoming events we will be hosting for the young families and we will see you there.

Week 5 - Friendship, Fun & Sexuality

This was our last session of the series and we covered the importance of friendship in marriage along with having fun and sex in the marriage.

3 basic reasons why friendship in marriage is important:

1. To Have a Life Partner

* Man was not created to live alone - Genesis 2:18
* It's important to like the one you married, since this is the person you plan to grow old
with and share who you really are; your dreams, joy & very soul.

2. To Walk in Spiritual Unity

*Matthew 18:19 say's, "Again I tell you if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask
for, it will be done for you by My Father in heaven."
*Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 shows us 4 benefits of a friend: Productivity, Support, Warmth & Protection

NOTE: In order to get closer to your spouse you MUST first draw closer to God.

3. To Have Sexual Relationship

* To enjoy a quilt-free, disease-free, sin-free expression of love.
* Genesis 2:25 says, "The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame."

The Importance of Fun in your relationship

Too many couples do not keep fun alive in their marriages. Think back to when you were dating all the fun you used to have. What has happened is we have gotten too busy or we are too tired and all of our responsibilities have mounted up so we let all of these things ruin our fun times.

In order to keep the fun alive you will have to make time for it and when you do protect that time from any conflict. Once you have done these two things get up and go have fun with your spouse.

Find things that you will enjoy doing together.

Sexuality:

What is the intended use of Sex? Look at I Corinthians 7:1-5 (Message)
Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly - but only within a certain context. It's good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality - the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it's for the purposes of prayer and fasting - but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it.

We are there to please our spouse and our spouse to please us. If your not sure what pleases your spouse simply ask them.

An important thing to remember is INTAMACY is NOT sex. Intamacy is meeting an emotional need INTERCOURSE is the sexual act.

Remember sex is like a dance, you have to learn how to dance. Men have to learn how to lead and women have to learn how to let him lead.

The POWER of your sex life is determined by the PURITY of your sex life.

Your sex life is based upon how well you want to GRATIFY/SATISFY your spouse.

Romance is the adult version of a play ground, and sex was for pleasure long before it was for having kids.

Five Questions Men and Women Must Answer

Pastor Al did a great job with sharing last night on the differences between men and women, and found five questions that every man and woman need to answer:

5 Question Every Man Must Answer: (Women Ask)

1. Am I more important than our money?
2. Are you really sincere?
3. Do you notice me?
4. Am I more important than your ___________?
5. Do you notice other women?

5 Question Every Woman Must Answer: (Men Ask)

1. Is life with you going to be filled with admiration?
2. Is life with you going to be free of complication?
3. Is life with you going to be sexual?
4. Is life with you going to be cooperative?
5. Is life with you going to be lived in the present?

Week 4 - Men are like waffles and Women are like spaghetti?

If you were there last night the title of this post would make sence, if not let me give you a basic idea of what that means.

Men are like waffles because we compartmentalize everything. If you look at all the spaces on the waffle this is like the compartments a man a man utilizes. He has one for his hobbies, family, work, kids, and the ever popular blank compartment. A man can get into an argument with another guy and 5 minutes later they can go out to lunch and act like nothing happened.

Women are like spaghetti because everything in their life is intertwined with

everything else. Their marriage, family, the kids, finances, shopping, social gatherings, etc.. these are all tangled together just like a big bowl of spaghetti. For ladies it is important to them to talk things through.

The Speaker/Listener Technique

•Rules for Speaker:
–1. Speak for yourself. Don’t mind read!
–2. Don’t go on and on.
–3. Stop and let the listener paraphrase.

•Rules for Listener:
–1. Paraphrase what you hear.
–2. Don’t rebut. Focus on what the speaker is saying.

•Rules for Both:
–1. The speaker has the floor.
–2. Speaker keeps the floor while the listener paraphrases.
–3. Share the floor.

Resources Used & Recommended

We have had several questions about the resources we have used for this seminar & some others that we recommend. So here is a list of books that we have looked at and used.

1. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

2. Fighting for your marriage by Markman, Stanley & Blumberg

3. A Lasting Promise - A Christian Guide to Guiding to "Fighting for your Marriage"By Scott Stanley, Daniel Trathen, Savanna McCain and Milt Bryan

4. Toward a Growing Marriage by Gary Chapman

5. The DNA of Relationships by Dr. Gary Smalley

6. Heirs Together by Mac Hammond

Enjoy and happy reading!

Week 3 - Communication

If you missed last night we talked about how important it is that there is open communication within your marriage/relationship. Communication is the doorway to intamacy. We talked about how to handle conflit while preserving oneness as well as how to express critisim constructivley. Then we had a time for talking one on one with your spouse using the Speaker/Listener Technigue. This is an artifical way of spealing which creates a sturctured and safe environment when tough issues arise and things need to be talked out. It will also help you stay away from teh four danger signs of communicating.

1. Escalation
–Proverbs 15:1 (NIV) A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
2. Invalidation
3. Negative Interpretations
4. Avoidance and Withdrawal

The most important scripture to remmeber when it comes to communicating is James 1:19-20 which says: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for your anger does not produce God's righteousness. (NIV)

Weekend to Remember - Group Registration Code 15506

Make plans to join us as we attend the "Weekend to Remember" Marriage retreat hosted by Family Life Ministries this April 11th-13th. It is being held at the Downtown Doubletree hotel. Come and enjoy a great time reconnecting with your spouse.

To register call 1-800-FLTODAY. Take advantage of the early bird group discount and save $80 per couple by using our five-digit group code 15506 when registering by phone or mail.

To receive the discounted rate, your registration must be received by FamilyLife prior to 11:59 p.m. on Monday night, 18 days prior to the conference start date (March 24th). Group registrations can only be processed by phone or mail at this time.

What is your love language?

Wow what a night. We were so excited to see everyone come back for week two and to see the new faces as well. We had lots of fun talking about how to effectivly communicate love to your spouse and discovering what the five different love languages actually are. If you missed last night here is the list of the languages. If you would like to learn more about them we suggest you get the book by Dr. Gary Chapman "The Five Love Languages" which is on sale this week at Mardel's for only $5.00, now that is a bargin.

1. Words of affirmation

2. Quality Time

3. Recieving Gifts

4. Acts of Service

5. Physical Touch

Off to a great start!

The marriage seminar has finally begun and we are off to a great start. The whole thing brought back memories of Christmas when I was a child. I remember all the anticipation and excitement ... waiting for the big day, and just like that, the big day was over. Well this time we have more than just 1 day to enjoy everything... we get 4 more powerful weeks, Praise God! If you did not get a chance to make it on Wednesday Pastor Al started the seminar off by talking about the "Oneness" that is needed in a marriage. (Genesis 2:21-25)

We are looking forward to next week where we will be talking about how to communicate love effectively to your spouse so you can make sure their love tank never gets low.